


Hazbin Madness/HalusaTwin's Lucifer Stories

by KathyPrior42



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: HalusaTwin (YouTuber), InSaiyans (YouTuber)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:15:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24281941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KathyPrior42/pseuds/KathyPrior42
Summary: HalusaTwin (Hazbin Madness) is a YouTuber known for his fan voicing acting as Lucifer from Hazbin Hotel. He has made reaction videos, dubbed comics, and created his own theories on Heaven and Lucifer's backstory. He also voice acts for fun as Alastor and several other characters in live streams.I present a full collection of his storiesHere is his channel:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVkr2V_Y-sIzBH01AbPcufw
Kudos: 1





	1. Lucifer and Michael’s Last Conversation

Michael: Hello, brother, and why did you call me here?  
Lucifer: Well, as you know, Father has become a bit narrow-minded.  
Michael: And what do you mean by that?  
Lucifer: Well, with his latest creation, he’s seemed, I don’t know. These mortals, what are we supposed to think of them?  
Michael: You know I think they’re quite splendid.  
Lucifer: Yes, you would say that, wouldn’t you?  
Michael: And why would you say that?  
Lucifer: I think you know why. Someone has just been promoted, haven’t they?  
Michael: Why yes I have. I’ve been appointed the Hand of God.  
Lucifer: Yes, second in command.  
Michael: Yes well you’ll always be first in command, wouldn’t you?  
Lucifer: You know, things could be different, brother.  
Michael: I know exactly what you’re thinking, Lucy, and I would not go down that road.  
Lucifer: Please don’t call me Lucy. I told you about that, it’s going to catch on.  
Michael: Oh yes, right. Well, Louie then. You know, you go down this road, there’s no redemption. You won’t be coming back.  
Lucifer: Yes, you know me too well. Think about it, though. If I was the one in charge, things would be so much different.  
Michael: Louie, don’t have those thoughts. It will only drive you insane.  
Lucifer: I can’t help it. It consumes me daily. Think about this: all the freedoms we could have. We are literally slaves in this realm. We are told what we can and cannot love and we are told what we can and cannot do. Is that freedom?  
Michael: Yes but that is the gift that Father gave us. God’s wonder.  
Lucifer: I choose a different path.  
Michael: Louie…don’t do it.  
Lucifer: Michael…you know what I’m saying is true. Imagine beyond the seat of the throne. Things would be so much different. Heaven could be Heaven, instead of this…excuse for a paradise.  
Michael: This place is a paradise. Don’t forget that. Don’t you forget your place.  
Lucifer: I don’t have to like this, but I believe that I am destined for higher things. Join me. We could take on Father together. His mistakes, we could look at his most recent creation.  
Michael: Are you talking about man?  
Lucifer: Yes. Apparently made in His own image. With all the flaws. And all the…well, let’s put it this way, they are no angels.  
Michael: Yes, but they have the power of creation, don’t they?  
Lucifer: So you don’t see me on a pedestal. Being promoted, pushed above the heavens and being, you know, taken seriously.  
Michael: Louie…you are having dark thoughts. Think more brightly, come on. Cheer up.  
Lucifer: I am cheered up. This is the most clear-minded I’ve ever been. You have to do it.  
Michael: I’m afraid I’m going to have to decline.  
Lucifer: But you know what that means, Michael.  
Michael: Yes, sadly I do. But please reconsider. You don’t want to do this, Louie.  
Lucifer: I have no choice. This is the only pathway for me. If we don’t take action now, who will? Who will rise above and take challenge? Father has lost his mind. Creating these mortals and giving them the knowledge and power of God. Well, we don’t have that power. Well I do, but no other angel has the same power. And I think that is quite selfish.  
Michael: Louie I think what you’re doing is quite selfish. You need to reconsider your thoughts. Don’t do it. You know I’ll stand against you.  
Lucifer: Sadly, I know this brother, but our paths are dwindling in different directions. This could be the last conversation we have. I’m not changing my mind.  
Michael: I regret…the next words. Lucifer, my brother, if you go down this path, I will stop you with all of my energy, all of my power.  
Lucifer: Then it is certain. I will miss you.


	2. Lucifer and Michael at the Bar

Lucifer: Why hello brother.  
Michael: Hello Louie.  
Lucifer: Oh it’s that time of the year again, isn’t it?  
Michael: Yes it is.  
Lucifer: The Purge. The only time I get to see you.  
Michael: Yes, but you know the rules.  
Lucifer: Yes I know. Though, please take that thing off your head, it’s distracting.  
(Michael wears a black death angel mask with horns, a creepy face and bloodstains  
Michael: Louie, I’m at work.  
Lucifer: Come on, spend five minutes with your big brother. Let’s have a drink.  
Michael: You know I don’t drink.  
Lucifer: Oh yes. The angel thing isn’t it? Well that’s fine. I can only drink about one or two, then I’m on the floor. You know, it’s an angel thing.  
Michael: Yes, quite.  
Lucifer: Please take that thing off.  
Michael: Louie, don’t distract me.  
Lucifer: Five minutes. Take the boobs off your head, let’s have a chat.  
Michael: Boobs? Fine. I’ll remove it for your benefit.  
Lucifer: Thank you.  
(Michael removes it)  
Michael: Here we go. Better?  
Lucifer: Yes. I can see your face. That is better. So tell me, what’s been happening in the other realm?  
Michael: Not much really. Just same old stuff. Angels playing games, singing songs. Gabriel being as annoying as ever.  
Lucifer: Oh really? Tell me, how’s Raphael?  
Michael: He’s fine. A little bit down, after you left.  
Lucifer: I did not leave. Not by choice, you know this.  
Michael: Yes I know. I’m partly responsible.  
Lucifer: Yes and how do you feel?  
Michael: You know how I feel, brother. I tried to talk you out of it, you and your ridiculous ideas.  
Lucifer: It’s not ridiculous. It was necessary.  
Michael: How are you doing down here, thriving in Hell?  
Lucifer: All the questions. Well, actually I’m having a lot of fun. Doing as I wish. I have the power in this realm. I’m like a god. The only problem is it’s full of these sinners.  
Michael: But I thought you liked that sort of thing.  
Lucifer: No. You remember fighting me. It’s because of these sins that I’m down here. My jealousy as it were, and pride, that Father favored these mortals over us.  
Michael: Yes, well we’ve been over this, haven’t we?  
Lucifer: Yes we have, many times. But people get the misconception that I am evil. I’m not evil. I punish evil…although I do find the richest satisfaction from doing so.  
Michael: Yes well…that is kinda evil.  
Lucifer: Well I suppose in its own right, but who’s going to do it my way? Bael? Ha, don’t make me laugh.  
Michael: Yes well, how’s the family?  
Lucifer: Oh family’s doing fine. Lilith isn’t talking to me at the moment, and Charlie…well, she’s… she has a strange venture of her own, trying to save sinners.  
Michael: Well I wonder where she gets these wild-eyed ideas and thoughts from, hm?  
Lucifer: Are you implying she gets that from me? Come on, I only had one crazy idea.  
Michael: Just the one? Please, brother. Don’t fool me.  
Lucifer: Oh yes, you know me too well. Well how’s your family? Oh that’s right, you don’t have one.  
Michael: That’s a bit sharp, Louie.  
Lucifer: Well, I can’t imagine what it’s like for yourself. Not being able to express your love.  
Michael: Yes, but there’s rules in Heaven, isn’t there?  
Lucifer: There’s rules down here too…only they’re my rules. I get to do as I wish. Perhaps you should come down here more often.  
Michael: Do not try and tempt me, Lucy, I know what you’re up to.  
Lucifer: I told you once before, don’t call me Lucy. It will catch on. People will start calling me it.  
Michael: Oh right, Louie. You prefer that, don’t you?  
Lucifer: Yes I do and I don’t know why people keep calling me Lucy. Do I have a girlish look about me or something?  
Michael: Well, you are angelic, so maybe that’s why.  
Lucifer: Well, there’s not much I can really do about it. Anyway, so it’s lovely to have your visits. It’s a shame it’s only for one day. You should stay for longer. I think we could rule Hell together.  
Michael: But I thought you had a partner in crime?  
Lucifer: Yes but she’s not talking to me. I could use a good right hand man, and shoe shine.  
Michael: I beg your pardon. What do you hate me for?  
Lucifer: Oh yes, that’s right, you are Father’s right-hand man.  
Michael: Yes well since your departure from Heaven, someone had to take up the mantle. And who better than me?  
Lucifer: That sounds like pride to me.  
Michael: No, no, I’m just saying I have the ability and besides, you just wanted your ability when you decided that angels were more important than humans.  
Lucifer: Let’s not go over this argument again. I stick by my rules. I can’t help it if you can’t see my vision.  
Michael: Well, I suppose I should get back to work. Hell’s not going to purge itself is it now?  
Lucifer: Quite. Maybe one day I’ll join you. Might give some of these sinners a piece of my mind and my sword.  
Michael: Yes, how is the MorningStar?  
Lucifer: Still sheaved since I destroyed Bael. But you see, gathering dust now, just an ornament in the hallway.  
Michael: Wow. That’s how you treat your prized weapons?  
Lucifer: I have no need for it down here. I can do everything with my mind. Now that I’ve been down here, I’ve gained more abilities.  
Michael: I see.  
Lucifer: Yes. My hours are unshackled. No one else governs me. I do as I wish. Thirst, consume.  
Michael: Nope. I shall not. I’ll only be down here once a year to clean up your mess.  
Lucifer: Fine. Thank you for, you know, digging that one, though.  
Michael: And I’m sorry, but, take more care.  
Lucifer: I can’t help it. These sinners are just, you know, so impure. But they just ended up down here. Well, it was lovely to have you down here, but I suppose I should let you get back to work.  
Michael: Yes. I have a lot of work to do. Anyway, always a pleasure. Never assure.  
(puts mask back on)  
Lucifer: That sounds like it was assured.  
Michael: No, no. I do enjoy our visits, but I must get on.  
Lucifer: By the way…  
Michael: Yes?  
Lucifer: You have red on you. Oh I see, sort of a dead joke.  
Michael: Funny as ever, Louie. Well, take care. Say hi to the family.  
Lucifer: Yes. Say hi to Father. That’ll brighten the gods.  
Lucifer: Right, well I should bid my adieu.  
Michael: Yes, me too. Arrivederci.  
Lucifer: Arrivederci belle.


	3. How Lucifer Lost His Wings

Lucifer: After my battle with Michael, me and the other angels who were expelled were sent to Earth. That’s right. We weren’t sent straight to Hell. First, of all, we were given the chance of redemption. Now, myself, Phoenix, Bale, and some other angels were kicked out of Heaven, and as we were falling through the skies, our wings started to fall off our bodies. Now, when they fell, they dematerialized and turned into light. Our bodies just, well, they became bodies without wings. When we had landed, the light that had left our wings had an element. They went off in different directions, a bit like, I suppose the Dragon Balls when you make a wish.  
God, well my father then said to us in a big booming voice…”for your transgressions, I have taken your wings. Your wings are now other beings. To get your wings back, you must search the Earth for 2,000 years and find your wings.”  
Hence the whole soul, what do they call that? Human partner? Soulmates, that’s it. The idea was that we were supposed to find our souls, if you will, to make then whole again, so that we could return to Heaven, then we would have our wings back.  
Now what happened was a mutation that was taking grasp of a lot of the angels and made them into what you would call vampires. The only clue that we had that the people on the Earth were our wings is that they were virgins. So we had to find virgins and become whole again. Now some of the other angels that became vampires got this information incorrect. They thought that had to consume the life force of these beings to get their wings…obviously, you know what vampires do.  
The other cause and curse was that the other angels were never to see the face of God again, which is what you would call the sun. If they looked upon the face of God, they would turn to ash and be nothing. My curse was to always see the face of God, but to never reach it. And then after 2,000 years, the curse was lifted, but we were sent to Hell because we didn’t complete our tasks.  
Luckily for me, though, my soul became Lilith, and because I was sent to hell, so was she.

Lucifer: I was an angel once. Out there with them, prancing around, dancing, holding hands, making daisy chains, singing songs. We were warriors, we were soldiers. I was a general. I got a small group of angels together and I presented an idea. I was like, “it stinks up here.  
So we got our weapons, we went up to the gate, saw Peter.  
We went up the steady steps…it was my father’s castle. We went past the Sentinels. We got to Grand Hall. I said, “Father, I’m here.” Who’s there? Not my father. Michael, my little brother. Standing there with Excalibur. I had the MorningStar. It’s a big broadsword, it’s a bot cold, very big, very heavy. I was ready to swing…I missed. He was like “You won’t cut my head off,” I was like “Oh is that a challenge?” He said “Yeah.” I said “Okay then, challenge accepted.”  
We strike our swords and they went clash, bang. Clash, bang. Unfortunately, I lost. My sword was the same size as me. Ah the days it did, but it did me a favor. It’s more fun in Hell then a lifetime in Heaven. And I do get to see them every year with the Purge. They popped down. Gabriel, Raphael. Phoenix doesn’t come down anymore. Not since they clipped his wings. It’s a nice get together and our course my darling brother comes down.  
He said “Louie, thriving in Hell are you?”  
I said “Yes. You met my beautiful wife? Where’s your wife? Oh yeah that’s right, you’re celibate. I get to drink goat’s blood and make sweet love to my wife, carry on.”  
It is a nice occasion, every 365 days. But it only lasts for one night, and then chaos ensues again.


	4. Adam and Eve

Lucifer: So there was one time when we were banished from the realm above. We decided to go for a little walk, seek out the area, see who was about. I of course, was curious about this humankind that my father had favored over us angels. They came across a particular creature named Adam. Now I am a master of trickery and shape-shifting, so I turned myself into a snake that poisoned an apple and let it drop from the tree. I tried as much as I could to tempt him to eat it, but he refused. In the end, I believe another soul, my future wife actually convinced him to take a bite of the apple. And the first sins were there to come. Of course she was banished from the realm such as I and we both ended up dwelling in hell. And I’ll tell you what, I’ve had the best time ever. It’s been devilish. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. But I would like to visit Earth again. I have plans, you see.


	5. Drunk Lucifer: Creation of Angels

“In the beginning, there was nothing. My father (God) was the only being in existence, floating around the void. He was bored and lonely. Because he had contempt for the blackness, he created me and my brethren, the nine Choirs of Angels. I (Lucifer) was created first. I was given powers. Then He created the other eight choirs after my clan. The Choirs go like this in rank order from top to bottom: Seraphim, Cherubim, Thrones, Dominions, Powers, Virtues, Principalities, Archangels, and Angels. Each angel rank had a different job, a different responsibility. I was responsible for the light. They called me the Light Bringer. Then I ended up with the nickname The Morning Star, which you call the sun.  
The Archangels are basically like God’s army.  
The Seraphim was my army.  
Powers are kind of like lawyers.  
Virtues control emotional stuff.  
Principalities are about balance.  
The Dominions are about the different regions of space.  
The Thrones were the first.  
Cherubims were weird.  
But angels are like the general public, if you will.  
If you’re a good girl or boy, you go to Heaven and become an angel. My brother Michael (“mix-ale”). The nine Choirs were to watch over our universe, to know things like planets and wildlife. God got bored of us, we were perfect. He created man. He gave you something he never gave the other angels: the power of creation. Then the angels had to look after humans. I thought it was tedious. Some angels would go down to Earth to mate with women, thus creating the Neaphim. They said “let’s go down and make relations with the ladies.” Obviously, that’s not allowed. So basically, this brings us to when I tried to I take over my father for the throne. Because I believed that such things were unfair. So I began my rebellion and most of the Archangels were my allies. Some of them opposed me and joined Michael, Gabriel, Raphael. Azrael though, was half and half. Not surprising being the chosen Angel of Death."


	6. Lucifer and Alastor Bar Stories: What Happened After the Fall?

Lucifer: “Oh blimey, long day.”  
Alastor: “Yes I concur, it’s been a long day in the radio studio.”  
Lucifer: “Oh really? And what have you been up to in your studio there?”  
Alastor: “Oh know you, playing electro swing and all that kind of jazz.”  
Lucifer: “I thought you said electro swing. What does jazz got to do with it?”  
Alastor: “I didn’t say anything about jazz.”  
Lucifer: “Yes, you just did. You said something about jazz. You’ve been playing jazz as well? I didn’t know you liked that kind of stuff.”  
Alastor: “No I don’t. I like swing.”  
Lucifer: “Then what does jazz got to do with it? Forget about it. Don’t worry. You guys have come to the bar as well.”  
Alastor: “Yes. Husk actually works here part time.”  
Lucifer: “Well he does, does he? That explains the poor service I suppose.”   
Alastor: “Well, yes I suppose so.”  
Lucifer: “Yes well now that I have your attention, have I ever told you about the time I was kicked out of Heaven?”  
Alastor: “Oh blimey, Lucy you’re not going to tell another boring story are you?”  
Lucifer: “Oh blimey. Do you want to hear a story or do you want to stand here and look ridiculous?”  
Alastor: “Well you can if you want bit I’m going to stand here looking fabulous.”  
Lucifer: “I beg your pardon. I’m not ridiculous.”  
Alastor: “Oh sorry I thought that’s what you meant.”  
Lucifer: “No you idiot. Forget about it. I’m going to tell my story, I don’t care.”  
Alastor: “Please don’t. Look at these ears, they’re perked all the way up. I won’t be able to drown out the sound.”  
Lucifer: “How rude. Anyway…”

Lucifer: “So what happened was, I had a bit of a disagreement with my father.”  
Alastor: “Yes we know the story, blah blah blah jealousy blah blah blah pride blah blah blah younger brother, big thoughts, clash, clash then you get lost then you then fell to Earth, roamed the Earth blah blah blah the end.”  
Lucifer: “There’s more to it than that you bozo. So basically, here we go and I don’t even care if you try to interrupt. I’ll just destroy you.”  
Alastor: “Ok I’ll behave, but I won’t enjoy it.”  
Lucifer: “I don’t care.”

Lucifer: “So you see what happened when I lost my fight with Mix-ale, and the angels of Heaven, is my fallen comrades and myself fell to Earth and we had to walk the Earth for 1,000 years. Now the conditions for walking the Earth for 1,000 years is we had to walk without our wings which is basically our spirit or part of our spirit, and without a name which is obviously our identity.”   
Alastor: “Oh I see, so you’re what? Nothing?”  
Lucifer, “No you idiot. I obviously had a name but when we fell to Earth, we forgot our names. Our mission while we were on Earth was to find our wings. That was our challenge. If we didn’t find our wings within the 1,000 years, then we would plummet to Hell through the Nine Circles.”  
Alastor: “Oh yes, the Nine Circles, blazing, fabulous.”  
Lucifer: “Yes, and one of them has your name on it. You know the one that begins with B. Banishment, Bitch, Bozo.”  
Alastor: “Oh very clever. Well, continue your story then.”  
Lucifer: “So basically, our wings or the spirit of our wings, became souls. They entrapped themselves into human girls and ladies.”  
Alastor: “Well I see, fabulous.”  
Lucifer: “Well not always. Some of them human men because not all the angels that fell were of male gender. Raphael was one of the people that sent me down here. Bastard. Anyway, the ones that fell and obviously were male and female, our wings took the opposite gender of our identification. So our mission was to find our wings, make them fall in love with us, sort of weave the good, become one again.”   
Alastor: “Is it that thing to do with soulmates?”  
Lucifer: “Yes kind of. You see the human version of soulmates is that God designed humans to have two heads, four arms and four legs and both genders.”  
Alastor: “That’s disgusting.”  
Lucifer: “Yes it is disgusting. So basically when they got sent to Earth, their bodies split and then they had to find their other half. Soulmate so that explains that story. Well very similar with the angels you see. Our wings took the forms of our mates if you will, and our mission was to find those mates, join with them and return to Heaven to be with Eve.”   
Alastor: “Oh I see. I don’t know what to say to that.”  
Lucifer: “Don’t say anything, just listen. Anyway. The condition though, was of this caliber, our wings took the form of innocent virgins.”  
Alastor: “Oh blimey. This is getting naughty.”  
Lucifer: “No don’t get excited. Basically the problem is, we became vampires.”  
Alastor: “Oh vampires?”  
Lucifer: “Yes. My comrades became the vampires that you know could not go out in daylight. Their curse was to never see the face of God again.”  
Alastor: “Face of God?”  
Lucifer: “Yes, the Sun. Basically they could never lay their eyes on the sun again, and my curse was to always see the Sun but never reach it.”  
Alastor: “Oh like a Daywalker, like Blade.”  
Lucifer: “No nothing like Blade, idiot. So, basically we have to find our wings and join with them. The communication of this story got misconstrued when it ended up with us and my fallen brothers and sisters believe they needed to consume the soul to return. So instead of trying to woe said soul mates, they tried to eat them.”  
Alastor: “Oh blimey!”  
Lucifer: “Exactly. Which is why vampires are known to drink blood and slay their victims. The only problem with that if you did that you would A. destroy your wings and B. be cursed for longer. So eventually they all did exactly the same. I knew were my wings were sent.”  
Alastor: “Oh and where is that then?”  
Lucifer: “But let me get to that part of the story. It’s a bit of a spoiler. Anyway what happened was, they consumed their own souls which damned them to eternal torment. So they basically gave up on their own lives, walked out into the sunlight, became crispy goop and ended up in Hell. I, on the other hand, did not take the easy approach as you know as I just explained. The Sun did nothing to me but daunt me. So basically…”  
Alastor: “So how’d you end up in Hell?”  
Lucifer” “I’m getting to that. Blimey you’re so impatient like a child. *coughs* it’s a bit smoky in here isn’t it?”  
Alastor: “Yes, I thought you were going to blame me for fur balls.”   
Lucifer: “Well it was on my mind. Anyway, this is the part of the story that explains my segment. After the 1,000 years of my walk, I was eventually sent to Hell.”  
Alastor: “Okay so how’d you find your wings?”  
Lucifer: “Lilith, you idiot.”  
Alastor: “He found them for you?”   
Lucifer: “No. Lilith is my wings.”  
Alastor: “I beg your pardon?”  
Lucifer: “Yes. You see when I fell, Lilith had been created but she had been corrupted by the dark angel, what was that chap’s name? Samael. So she’d been corrupted, so when I fell, my wings became part of her to purify her…”*coughs up a furball*  
Alastor: “I knew that was coming.”  
Lucifer: “Well you asked for it. Anyway, my wings purified her soul then she was, you know, cured if you’d like of the torment, and curse of Samael. Although it still sent her to Hell because he was demonic. Now the catch of this story is that I had to go to Hell to get my wings, which meant I would still be trapped for eternity in Hell. So there was no way of winning. I couldn’t go back to Heaven even if I wanted to.”  
Alastor: “And would you want to?”  
Lucifer: “No. It’s positively boring. Trust me. *coughs* Oh blimey is there something in this wine?”  
Alastor: “I have no idea, I did not order it.”  
Lucifer: “So basically that’s the end of that story. I ended up in Hell because that’s where my wings were. I did become free but that means I still have to dwell here because there is no escape. Unlike you demons who have this ability to use a special book over a portal back to Earth, the only place I can visit…and it’s once every 365 days… is Heaven, and I can only go up there for like five minutes. And even then if I did try, I still have to go through the gates of Heaven were St. Peter is and he would just be like, “Louie, piss off.”  
Alastor: “Oh really? You don’t get on?”  
Lucifer: “It’s not like that. He just knows I’m not allowed in, he’d be like go home and I’d be like, just give a message to my brother and my father and tell them that they both suck ass.”  
Lucifer: “Yes. The last conversation with my father, he called me a pumbaa. But anyway, so that’s that story. Lilith is my wings. She has the purifying segment of my soul dwelling in her.”  
Alastor: “Okay, so who’s Satan?”  
Lucifer: “That’s a separate story, but I think we’ll go into that next time. Well I hope you enjoyed my little story there.”  
Alastor: “Well I wasn’t really paying too much attention.”  
Lucifer: “I wasn’t talking to you, anyway.”


	7. Lucifer and Alastor Bar Stories: Satan and Lucifer

Lucifer: “Here we are again. So Alastor, how are you doing?”  
Alastor: “Oh blimey are you talking to me?”

Lucifer: “I feel like telling another story.”  
Alastor: “Oh blimey do you have to tell these stories every time?”  
Lucifer: “Oh yes I think people want to hear about what’s going to happen.”

Lucifer: “I was going to tell you the story about Satan.”  
Alastor: “Oh blimey. You aren’t Satan?”  
Lucifer: “No, I’m Lucifer, what are you talking about?”  
Alastor: “What about Leviathan?”  
Lucifer: “He’s a different demon, a sea monster.”  
Alastor: “What about Beezlebub?”  
Lucifer: “Have you even seen Beezlebub. He a demon in the shape of a bee.”  
Alastor: “You mean like a buzz buzz bumblebee?”  
Lucifer: “Yes, he’s a completely separate demon.”  
Alastor: “What about Bael?”  
Lucifer: “Nope. That’s a different demon.”  
Alastor: “What about Samael.”  
Lucifer: “Nope. That’s actually a fallen angel.”  
Alastor: “What about…Dracula?”  
Lucifer: “That’s a vampire you idiot. Let me start.”

Lucifer: “Satan and I are two separate beings.”  
Alastor: “Care to explain?”  
Lucifer: “Yes, but you won’t let me. “  
Alastor: “Ok I’ll let you. I’m actually intrigued in this story.”  
Lucifer: “When I first came here, obviously, my soul had been reunited with my wings, through Lilith. Okay, you remember from the last time.”  
Alastor: “Oh yes I remember. How can I forget?”  
Lucifer: “What’s that supposed to mean?”  
Alastor: “Oh nothing. I find it riveting, please go on.”  
Lucifer: “Thank you. When I came to this world, I still had darkness in my heart, so because I did not want to harm loved ones, when Charlotte was born, I expelled the darkness from my heart and it manifested and became a separate being as Satan.”  
Alastor: “Oh I see! Is that why you’re always so goofy?”  
Lucifer: “Excuse me?”  
Alastor: “I didn’t say anything.”  
Lucifer: “I’m pretty sure I heard you say I was goofy.”  
Alastor: “Nope, nope. You must be imagining things, old man.”  
Lucifer: “I swear you’re tying my patience but anyway, I’m not gonna let it get to me because you’re not important. So I expelled the darkness in my heart and it became Satan, who is basically like the monster under the stairs.”  
Lucifer: “Well he’s in Hell, he’s in one of the Nine Circles of Hell. It’s one of those deals where I blocked him in a different segment of one of the Nine Circles and if I ever need his services, I just unlock a portal and poof there he is. But usually I can just sort out problems on my own.”  
Lucifer: “So basically, I still have a little bit of my inner sadistic twisted thoughts and actions but they’re not half as bad as they would’ve been. You see angels aren’t nice and perfect as everyone thinks. They have a dark side. Most angels have a bit of resentment toward their creator.  
“Alastor: “Wait are you talking about God?”  
Lucifer: “Yes. My father. Because of his favor toward human beings, most of the angels who have that resentment toward my father but they hide it very well because they want to continue to live in paradise. Whereas I had other plans. I wanted to overthrow father, so I could keep paradise as paradise and we would have a ruler who actually cared about his people.”  
Alastor: “I’m listening intently. Look, my ears are pricked all the way out.”  
“Lucifer: “You ears are attached to a prick.”  
Alastor: “I beg your pardon?”  
Lucifer: “I didn’t say anything and if I did who cares?”  
Lucifer: “Satan is a completely separate person to me. We do know each other obviously, we are aware of each other’s existence. Plus, we can feel each other’s pain though I can’t actually destroy Satan and he cannot destroy me.”  
Alastor: “What would happen?”  
Lucifer: “If I tell you, would you attempt to destroy Satan?”  
Alastor: “No.”  
Lucifer: “Good. Satan is strong as I am but more vicious. If he were to perish then I would also perish but the same would be in reverse, if I were to perish so would he. We are linked because our souls are still one. But we have each part. Do you follow?”  
Alastor: “Yes, like Siamese twins?”  
Lucifer: “No. It’s not like Siamese twins, we have the same soul. We are not too people attached to each other from the hip or whatever. So basically, if we could rejoin and become one person again…but I don’t think that’ d be a very good idea.”

Lucifer: “You have it quite easy down here but if I were to rejoin with my old soul, I think everyone down here would be writhing in agony 24/7…and you’d wish for the Exterminators.”  
Alastor: “Well isn’t that lucky.”  
Lucier: “Yes indeed, and I prefer it this way too. I’m having a great time myself.”   
Alastor: “Can I go now?”  
Lucifer: “No. There are still more stories to tell.”  
Alastor: “Oh joy of joy.”  
Lucifer: “That sounded like sarcasm but I’m going to ignore it.”

Lucifer: “You didn’t get me that drink?”  
Alastor: “No I forgot my wallet.”  
Lucifer: “Typical.”


	8. Lucifer and Alastor Bar Stories: Overlords

Lucifer: “Here we are again.”  
Alastor: “Yes. Here we are.”  
Lucifer: “Here you are.”  
Alastor: “Here I am.”  
Lucifer: “There you are.”  
Alastor: “Where are we going with this, Luci?”  
Lucifer: “Why are you here?”  
Alastor: “It’s a public place.”  
Lucifer: “Okay fair enough. So I guess we’re here for another story then.”  
Alastor: “Who me?”  
Lucifer: “No you blithering idiot. You don’t even buy a drink, you just stand there and smile.”  
Alastor: “Yes, because I like looking splendid.”  
Lucifer: “Well keep trying. Anyway, I thought I’d tell another story. Or rather explain something to answer a question that seems to be on people’s lips.”  
Alastor: “Oh yes and what is that?”  
Lucifer: “Well it actually regards you in some respects. I’m still trying to figure you out, anyway. It is the function of the overlords. Now I’ve had people in the past ask me, what do the overlords do? What are they for? What is their primary function?” 

Lucifer: “Overlords can delete people but they have to obey the king of Hell.”


End file.
